Friday, May 9, 2008

Happy Mothers Day to you ALL!  
Hopefully my video will work, we will see.  It is quite nice.  I wanted to recognize my Mom this Mothers Day.  And a card will not do this year.  

I have always thought of Mothers Day as a Hallmark holiday, so I really truly thought , 'No this will be not especially hard, because I have never put a great deal of effort into Mothers day anyway'.  But I am finding that is not the case...
People have made subtle comments, to me, here and there about the upcoming Mothers day, insinuating that it would be extra tough to endure, being my first without Mom. 
 

I can not figure out if I am being extra emotional because of: 
1)  'peer pressure'- the suggesting of others? 
 2) because I did not give a great deal of thought to it when Mom was alive, regret emotions?  3) if yes, it is a reminder that she is not here, and I can not get her some very insignificant gift to recognize her motherdome? 
 Either way, it has turned to be a bit emotional for me, at least today. 

 I do miss Mom, sharing the day, knowing she was there, telling about the grandkids, (hers and mine).  She was not a perfect person, had her irritating ways, but she was my mom, and she was always there. She usually always understood me, and when she did not she tried.  She was happy with who I was, what I did, even if it was not who she was or how she would do it.  

I have been 'strong' and taken Mom's death (and Dad's) death 'in stride'. 
 I have done the business that needs to be done, I have controlled my emotions(mostly).
 Mom and Dad did not raise me to be needy or clingy.  They raised me to be an adult. 
 I have not wanted to burden my family and friends with my weakness'. 
 My childish tears.   
Now though, I am feeling that I have not honored, recognized the loss of Mom, my mother,
 at least in a way that others would know, 
she is a missed soul, and my soul aches for her... 
In honor of Mom on Mothers day.  

Also I hope for you to remember those you love now,
while they are here on earth, cherish, appreciate. 
The day will come soon enough and it will be gone with them.

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